Wednesday, October 9, 2013
Planning a wedding can be the most amazing and fun event to plan, why? Because you are in love, you are getting married, you are planning for your future with your soon-to-be, and having your family and friends involved during this wonderful time. On the flip side, it can be the most stressful time of your life because there is so much detail involved in a 1 day affair that only involves 6 hours of your big day, such as your budget, theme, timeline, selecting your venue/vendors, selecting your bridal party, selecting your dress, your honeymoon and the list goes on…….
Why is it hard to remain calm and loving during this transition?
I think it’s because we have expectations of our day that we’ve always dreamt and envisioned- some expectations can be realistic or unrealistic. A few examples can be that our families will be united with no drama, which our bridal party will get along to plan a fabulous bridal shower, which the weather will be perfect, and every detail will be flawless! Which this can all happen, but we need to realistic that this may not happen.
It’s great to have expectations but we tend to be attached to these expectations, and if these expectations do not turn out into reality feelings of anger, depression, blame, guilt, loss of excitement, and the true essence of marriage is lost. Expectations can lead to sense of attachment that can lead to obsession and it can be quite difficult to surrender and live in the present moment on your big day and even after your big day as well.
How do we remain calm and focused during this transition?
The solutions to this problem is how we operate in our thoughts and actions.
Here are tips-
-Plan & Surrender: Be realistic with your timeline, planning a wedding whether small or big takes 9 to 12 months. Give yourself that time to plan. Give yourself a task once a month to complete and you will feel like you completed a lot on your checklist! Then most of all Surrender, truly surrender all your plans.
-Communication: Communicate with your fiancé about your feelings, and his/her feelings as well. When we get so consumed with planning a big day we forget why are we getting married? This will bring back your romance and will give you a stronger foundation.
-Work it out! - After you tackle your to-do list- work it out! Take a bootcamp class, join a run for a good cause with your bridal party, take a yoga class, move your body! Studies have shown that daily activity reduces stress and anxiety, and it also gives you a beautiful glow!
-Retreat- During the wedding planning process, go for a retreat! Whether if it’s for yourself or for you and your fiancé. A quick getaway weekend can sooth the hearts and light up passion in your relationship.
I interviewed an MBB bride named Carline Folkes, and she shared her experience about her day. Based on her interview, we are not alone, we all go through these feelings during transitions.
What was the hardest part of planning your wedding?
The hardest part was managing the guest list- who should be invited etc. Getting the guest list below 250 was very difficult and was a point of contention. Also managing all of tasks like buying shoes, mailing invitations, keeping a head count, shopping for favors all while working full time was a bit daunting. Also, my husband was a groomzilla at times! However looking back I know he was just trying to make sure everything was to my liking.
-How did you overcome the challenges?
I utilized any help that was offered to me from my family, and I also retained the services of MBB, which was my saving grace. I also remained calm and positive and visualized everything going perfectly on my wedding day. I also gave myself 16 months to plan!!
-Were you stress during these moments? If yes, what were those feelings like?
Yes! I had migraines at least twice a week! The last 3 months of planning were nerve racking.
-How did you cope with stressful moments? (Did you turn to exercise, yoga, friends, family etc?)
I would exercise, go out with my fiancé and do non-wedding related fun stuff. Or I would daydream about my honeymoon!