Wednesday, August 14, 2013
How to Deal with Divorced Parents on your special day?
It’s the special time of your life that will be a cherished forever with your soon-to-be. All your friends, bridal party are excited, but your parents are divorced and are not sharing their happiness and excitement with you. How do you deal with the elephant in the room? How do you not let lose focus?
Here are some tips to not lose your cool:
1- Remember that it’s YOUR DAY, YOUR LIFE that will be shared with your fiancé. Your main focus is your partner; you will create a new future with your own nuclear family. Don’t lose sight of that, if you do then you are living in the past. You only get this time once!
2- Don’t let the past become your present and future. Whatever your parents unresolved issues are, remember it’s not your responsibility.
3- Have individual conversations with your parents. Speak your feelings and let them know how much it is means to you by having both parents there on your day, and to walk you down the aisle to give you away. This will be a relief because you might have everything bottled up inside and you don’t want to lose your cool on the day of the wedding. Speak now or forever hold your peace. Speaking now is the best peace you can have in your healing and heart.
4- Speak to an experienced therapist, relationship coach, or a pastor/priest/rabbi from your house of worship so they can guide you in how to deal with your emotions in this challenging topic.
5- If one parent is missing in your life, and the communication is not always consistent, always constantly to remain in your true light. Kill them with kindness and not distance. Obviously its not YOU, its them.
6- Send a wedding invitation to them regardless, hopefully they will attend, if not, don’t let it get to you. Your main focus again is your partner and all the loved ones that are giving you love.
7- Remain focused in your wedding plans and your partner. Remember you are in transition to a beautiful life, that you can you do over again and this journey is preparing you to become the loving and supportive spouse and hopefully a parent.
8- Taking a workshop in how to become a loving and supportive spouse and parent. When you come from a broken home, at times you don’t know the tools how to become loving spouse and parent, and you may need tips in how to deal with this transition. (Remember you do have love in your heart, otherwise you wouldn't be engaged)
9- Keep your expectations very low during this time because again it’s not you, its them- they haven’t reached to the point that they are at peace with themselves, so it’s very difficult for them to come around. Keeping your expectations low can reduce disappointment. Be compassionate, patient and have faith. You are an example and you can break the cycle of this toxic behavior, just by displaying that you are in love, and love is in your heart.
10- Create a happy environment; do not let them sit in the same table. Being in the same room is an accomplishment, but having them sit in the same table during your wedding can be awkward and uncomfortable, so be mindful and seat them in separate tables.
11- Remain PRESENT on your big day. Yes it’s ALL ABOUT YOU! This is the time where you can be a little selfish in a good way. This day only is about 6 hours of party time, 1 hour ceremony, and 2 hours of picture time- its goes by fast! If you aren't present in this beautiful occasion, then you will regret it and say- Why did I focus on my divorced parents, and not the man/woman I’m marrying?